Friday, March 25, 2011

Breaking Up with my Kidney Stone

Neil Sedaka once sang, "Breaking up is hard to do" and apparently Neil could not only play a mean piano but his lyrics were 100% spot on. My kidney stone has proven him true. A month ago I had a lithotripsy procedure which was supposed to smash my kidney stone into smithereens, but it was unsuccessful. Breaking up is hard to do. (By the way, when I purchase a thing-a-ma-jig at Wal-Mart and it doesn't work, I take it back and my money is promptly returned. No questions asked. It is safe to say, the same rules don’t apply in the medical world. I’m not holding my breath for the hospital to hand back to me or my insurance company the 10,000 smackeroos from the first useless go-around any time soon, but I digress…) The breakup didn't work, that's my point.

So today, as you are at home sipping your afternoon tea or napping in geometry class or watching a soap opera or doing whatever it is you do on a springtime Thursday afternoon-- I will have returned to the no-money back guarantee hospital (aka the torture chamber) so that my friend "Rocky" might officially receive his eviction notice. Like something out of a sci-fi movie, my urologist will break out a laser gun and blast the little guy. The doctor assures me that "Kid Rock” will be vaporized and the whole ordeal will take less than an hour. He calls it a “minimally invasive procedure”. I think whenever a laser is used on your body―and they have to knock you out before using the laser gun or light saber or whatever it is on your body—then, my friend, that is a Maximum Invasive Procedure. My wife says I’m being “overly dramatic about the whole thing”. To which I said to her, “Shhh… I’m working on mine and “Stoney’s” acceptance speech for our academy award.”

Here’s what I know: Like my mom’s driving technique on a highway—even when travelling behind someone who is driving slower than a snail; and like Woody Hayes’ Ohio State’s “three yards and a cloud of dust” offense; and like a ball-hogging basketball player-- my kidney stone has refused to pass. Apparently singing the old teen camp song, “I shall not be… I shall not be moved…” my kidney stone is stuck somewhere between the place of pain and the place of freedom. After being stuck in this no passing zone for about four weeks now, the doc says, “Today is the day, Buster! The eviction notice has been served!”

So what are the spiritual implications to my dilemma? I know a lot of people that are just like my kidney stone (and I don’t mean they are a “pain in my back”). I mean, they are stuck in a place and for whatever reason have refused to move. They are just there. Not doing anything. Not going anywhere. Stuck.

Hebrews 6:1 says: “Therefore let us move beyond the elementary teachings about Christ and be taken forward to maturity…” Refuse to be content with where you are in your Christian walk. In other words… press on! Dive into God’s word. Move on to maturity. Don’t stay in the same place. Hunger and thirst for righteousness. Reject the easy path of laziness or indifference. Like I’ve been telling my kidney stone for the last four weeks “Get moving!”