Baby, its cold outside!

Baby, its cold outside!

Usually when I make such a comment my Kansas friends say something like “You are from Michigan; you are supposed to like this kind of weather.” As if all Michigan babies were born in an igloo, used icicles as pacifiers and had snowmen as their obstetricians.

I like to point out that I moved away from the frozen tundra.

Still because of my 40 years as a resident in the Winter Wonderland known as Michigan, I feel that I am qualified to give my non-snow loving Kansas friends a few tips for dealing with the weather we are experiencing.

1) To school administrators: Do not close the schools when you think there might be snow. How is it that Shawnee Mission cancelled school today? As my friend and former Michigan resident Pastor Andy pointed out on his Facebook status: “I can't believe I live in a place that cancels school because a threat of a few inches of snow--- really Kansas? If that was the case in Michigan I'd still be in the 9th grade from snow days.” Preach it, Andy, my brother!

2) To politicians and city planners: You might want to put in the budget enough money to cover more than one snow fall. I know times are tight, but seriously if your snow removal budget is blown before Elvis Pressley’s Birthday (January 8th, of course) then don’t be surprised if your constituents are “All shook up!”

3) To drivers: When there is a dusting of snow on the road, of course, I want you to be careful. But driving 22 miles an hour on a mostly clear highway with only a few snowflakes on it makes you more of a hazard than the two little snowflakes!

4) To drivers (part 2): When coming in the church’s west entrance, it is advisable to go a little slow if the ramp is snow covered. That is neither the time nor the place to think you are James Bond on the streets of Monte Carlo trying to elude the KGB. You will go over the embankment and down the retaining wall and into the frozen pit below. And that is not a good place for a pretend spy in His Royal Majesty’s Service to be.

5) To homeowners: Snowy walks and driveways are meant to be shoveled. That’s why Wal-Mart sells snow shovels and that’s why I have teenage sons. If you do not have the benefit of teenage sons I suggest you rent one for an hour. In renting a teenager, you get all the benefits and none of the hassles, grocery bills or requests for the car keys.

6) To children: Yellow snow is not lemon flavored.

7) To weather forecasters: Two inches of snow is not a blizzard. It is not one of the signs of the apocalypse. It is not necessary to have round the clock emergency coverage. Please, I beg you… end the drama!

8) To everyone crabby about the fluffy white stuff: Take a good look outside and remember the words from Isaiah 1: "Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.” Thanks be to God who has taken our messy, dirty, dingy and drab hearts and can make them pure and white as snow! Why not let the snow be a source of inspiration as to what God has done in your life!