Thursday is the Central Fantasy Football Draft and Saturday the college football season kicks off. Next week it’ll be the NFL’s turn to start. From now until our Super Bowl Parties on February 3, 2008 there will be plenty of talk in the Central offices of Chiefs, Wolverines, Steelers and Sooners. To quote, Hank Williams Jr., “Are you ready for some football?”
Over the course of the next several months, football jargon will enter into many of our conversations. What you may not know is that there are some commonalities between football terms and church life at Central Nazarene. It’s strange but true. The football meanings you may know, so allow me to offer their Central counterparts.
Coin Toss: The action of the church miser as the offering plate passes.
Illegal use of hands: The mistaken use of clapping when no one else feels the special song was “clap-worthy.”
Pass interference: Interrupting the conversation of a teenage boy as he is welcoming a new, cute teenage girl to Central.
Hash marks: Stains on the fellowship hall carpet following a men’s prayer breakfast.
First down: If we were a little more charismatic church, this would refer to the initial person “slain in the spirit.”
Two Minute Warning: What Pastor Kevin gives to all those who must give an announcement during a worship service.
Priest Holmes: Roman Catholic friar’s parsonages. (I know this doesn’t really apply to Central Nazarene as we are a Protestant congregation, but I couldn’t resist mentioning this for our Chief's fans.)
Half Time: If the long winded preacher would not repeat himself, the sermon would be completed in this measured period.
End Zone: The anatomy region most irritated following a long, drawn out sermon.
Offensive Line: 1) The pre-teen boys’ smells and sounds following a week at summer camp. 2) A bad joke about how even your crippled grandma would be a better choice for starting quarterback for the Chiefs.
Tight end: (Old school definition): The church miser’s demise.
(Hip Hop definition): A very fine benediction.
Running back: The action taken by our disappointed and hungry children upon the discovery of more leftover donuts in the adult fellowship area following Sunday School.
Linebacker: The guy who returns for seconds at the all-church, pot luck.
Quarterback: The church miser’s change of heart after the offering plate passes. As in, he wants his “quarterback.”
These definitions probably won’t help much in learning more about Central. That’s why the Ministry Fair (that will take place next week, September 9th) is so important. You will be able to learn about the ministries offered at Central and how you can be involved. My hope is that all who attend Central will be involved in some ministry. Serving God was never meant to be a spectator sport, so “get in the game” and make a difference!
Over the course of the next several months, football jargon will enter into many of our conversations. What you may not know is that there are some commonalities between football terms and church life at Central Nazarene. It’s strange but true. The football meanings you may know, so allow me to offer their Central counterparts.
Coin Toss: The action of the church miser as the offering plate passes.
Illegal use of hands: The mistaken use of clapping when no one else feels the special song was “clap-worthy.”
Pass interference: Interrupting the conversation of a teenage boy as he is welcoming a new, cute teenage girl to Central.
Hash marks: Stains on the fellowship hall carpet following a men’s prayer breakfast.
First down: If we were a little more charismatic church, this would refer to the initial person “slain in the spirit.”
Two Minute Warning: What Pastor Kevin gives to all those who must give an announcement during a worship service.
Priest Holmes: Roman Catholic friar’s parsonages. (I know this doesn’t really apply to Central Nazarene as we are a Protestant congregation, but I couldn’t resist mentioning this for our Chief's fans.)
Half Time: If the long winded preacher would not repeat himself, the sermon would be completed in this measured period.
End Zone: The anatomy region most irritated following a long, drawn out sermon.
Offensive Line: 1) The pre-teen boys’ smells and sounds following a week at summer camp. 2) A bad joke about how even your crippled grandma would be a better choice for starting quarterback for the Chiefs.
Tight end: (Old school definition): The church miser’s demise.
(Hip Hop definition): A very fine benediction.
Running back: The action taken by our disappointed and hungry children upon the discovery of more leftover donuts in the adult fellowship area following Sunday School.
Linebacker: The guy who returns for seconds at the all-church, pot luck.
Quarterback: The church miser’s change of heart after the offering plate passes. As in, he wants his “quarterback.”
These definitions probably won’t help much in learning more about Central. That’s why the Ministry Fair (that will take place next week, September 9th) is so important. You will be able to learn about the ministries offered at Central and how you can be involved. My hope is that all who attend Central will be involved in some ministry. Serving God was never meant to be a spectator sport, so “get in the game” and make a difference!
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