Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Unabomber and Me

Does the name Ted Kaczynski ring a bell? How about this: “The Unabomber”? That was ol’ Ted. He was the mathematical genius (Harvard grad and, sadly, University of Michigan Ph.D.) who lived in a shack in Montana, wrote an anti-technology treatise and over a 20 year period sent 16 home-made bombs to those he thought were contributing to the evil, technological age in which we live. Ted was the subject of the most expensive manhunt in FBI history, and the feds eventually got their man. Ted will spend the rest of his days in a federal maximum security prison in Colorado.

I certainly do not advocate his violence. And I probably would have a hard time reading my way through his anti-techno tome, The Unabomber Manifesto, but after this week I might be a little closer to Ted than I want to be. I’ve been having my troubles with technology too.

My home internet works with the frequency of an intermittent windshield wiper. Sometimes it’s on, sometimes its not. Sometimes it’s on, sometimes not. (At this exact moment: Not. Ugh!). My electricity has also been off TWICE this week. Plus, much to my dismay, the Power and Light Company put a massively huge, not-so Jolly Green Giant of a transformer in my back yard (OK it might not be “Giant” big, but it’s big enough). And the icing on the cake, crème de le crème, is that my cable TV has been off for nearly a week. (Good thing that this wasn’t the week the Tigers win the World Series or the week the Wolverines beat the Buckeyes silly, because I can not say with complete certainty that I wouldn’t have gone “Teddy K” on somebody.)

Now, before you ask: Yes, we’ve paid all our bills in full. No stoppage of service notice has been received. Our payments are current, albeit without the “currents” coming through the power lines. When my cable TV went out last Thursday, a fine cable employee came by the house and informed Cherub #1 that he would have it “up and running” in no time. Famous last words. When it was still not “up and running,” seven hours later and after 45 minutes waiting on hold, “Betty” from the cable company assured me that a fine cable employee would be at my house on Monday between 3 and 5 pm. (Apparently, the cable company’s idea of “up and running in no time” and my understanding of that phrase is entirely different). In any event, when those four days of “no time” finally passed, you guessed it: Monday arrived, but the cable employee didn’t. When I called the cable company again, and waited on hold for the obligatory 45 minutes, “Ardeen” informed me that a fine cable employee would be at my house on Wednesday between 3 and 5 pm. “No time” was expanded for another 48 hours. In the mean time, I had no ESPN, no Home and Garden, and no CNN.

Well, the cable guy arrived and my ESPN is working. The Cable guy might need to watch a little more of the Home and Garden Network, because his “fix” was to run a cable the length of our yard, nearly entering the pool, on top of the grass to the place where the cable enters our house. While I must admit the orange colored cable contrasts nicely with the green hues of the grass and the blue tone of the pool it might not be the most eye-pleasing fixture in our back yard. Ugh. Ugh. And double ugh!

Since I was not sitting around watching Dr. Phil and had no need to search for the remote controller, I had plenty of time to remind you that this Sunday we are looking at the very last commandment. It’s the one about coveting your neighbor’s ox and donkey and wife and maid servant. I’ll be honest, I haven’t coveted my neighbor’s ox or maid servant at all this week (my hand is squarely patting my own back right now), but I have been tempted to covet his internet access and electricity. (Oops!) It’s amazing how much we miss that stuff, when we don’t have it. And it’s amazing how much we think we need that stuff to live our lives. We had electricity growing up, but we managed to live pretty decent lives without the internet, cable TV, air conditioning and plenty of other things that seem to be mandatory these days.

Truth be told, we didn’t miss the TV too much, and the crazy, on again, off again internet is manageable. I would never advocate heading to Montana for a little bomb building and manifesto writing retreat, I think we all could probably manage just fine with out some of the things that we think we need. In fact, the old song “Keep the World but give me Jesus” still holds true. We could probably all benefit from less stuff and more Jesus.

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